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I got out my wedding videos tonight. I am using part of them for something I am doing. It was so surreal. I still could not believe he is not here anymore. It doesnt seem real. What happened? We were so happy. We had so many dreams. He looked good. We were happy. I would watch some and cry. Even though it made me cry I wanted to keep watching. I saw friends that have since gone separate ways. I saw family members that have passed. Seemed like a lot of them. We did so much work to make our wedding a special unforgettable day. Everything was perfect. We always wanted to remember it fondly. Its been so long since he was here. It hurts. Bad. Pierces the heart. Tears unending. Why? Why did this all happen? He didnt deserve it and neither did I. he got the better deal. Where he is there is no tears or sadness. I told him that when he was here. That either way he had a good outcome. He could get better or go to heaven. I got the worst outcome. A life without him. I cannot believe the pain I feel now. This doesnt go away. I miss HIM!


I had the nicest easter with my family. Church was wonderful. It is so nice to belong somewhere again. We had a delicious dinner. We had lots of laughs. My family always does. Others dont as much. We seem to have lots of fun. I got nice presents too! Even though I am an adult it is fun to open eggs for a surpise. I am so thankful for the fun we had.

My cousin ( who set this blog up) won 2 grants for her school library. That is great. So many times libraries have books that are older than dirt. Kids need good books to read and good models. Reading is the foundation for everything! Teaching kids touches the future. Good job cuz! I always knew you were a winner.

I miss my cousin.. She was the one person I loved spending time with. We hung out alot together. We went to the movies, dinner, speed dating, shopping… There is none like her. wahhhh

July 2018
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