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Yesterday I came home after running errands and my alarm clock is buzzing. I think huh. I turn it off. I dismiss it and go about my day. Then later on I go out and same thing happens again. It is the music playing on it now. Ok. Now I know it is dh. I think what does he want to tell me. I feel it is him telling me I havent left you. Thanks for the pot and remembering me. I am happy you are happy. You are beautiful. You were a good cook. Part of this I got from talking to my parents and the other part when I was making meatballs. When he talks through others I just can sense it. It was cool. I have felt him the past couple of days. So very cool.

LOVE NEVER ENDS.

I had a reading last week. The person was very good. She told me some things that impressed me. One was my husband told her that he would be the first person I see when I cross over. I have always wondered and hoped that. Now I now it will be. She also said he cannot show himself to me again because it is hard to do. One day I saw him. I thought he was real. I wrote about it before. Anyways both of those things were cool to hear.

Last night my fiance and I went to his house to roll some change. Ihelped until my favorite tv show came on. I went upstairs to watch Ghost Whisperer. He was in the basement counting change. Grandpa was dozing in the living room. While watching tv I decide to go to the bathroom. Suddenly I feel someone in there with me. I think what the hell. I look over and see no one. I think is it my husband. I dont think so. I am all jittery at this point. I then go back to watch my show. I feel them follow me. They stand there and watch me. I cannot see them. But I feel them. That is how I know they are there. Finally a few minutes later my show ended. I go downstairs to tell my honey what is going on. I go down there and say honey I have a ghost following me through your house. I dont know who it is. He believes in this stuff but gets spooked by it. He then says as soon as you came down the stairs I got chills down my back and arms. All of his hair was standing straight up. I then was freaked out. We figured out it was his grandma. we try to figure out what she wants. I then call a friend who is better at this than me. She is not home. I try her cell, no answer. I tell him I am going upstairs where it is quiet to figure this out. I lay on his bed and ask a bunch of questions. Is she here to take grandpa? Does she have a message for us? I feel she wants to take him soon. But I am not sure. Then I hear my fiancee yell for me. I run downstairs. I forget what he said. Then I said I am going back upstairs to try again. I get halfway up the stairs. I hear a voice say no go back and sit with him. So I turn around and so back. I tell him what I heard. Everytime we hear his grandmas name now he gets chills. I am very jittery. Finally he runs upstairs to grandpa. He yells at him and say have you been dreaming of grandma. He says no. He then says what happened and that she is here to talk to you so pay attention. The grandpas eyes were bigger than saucers he tells me. I am in the kitchen. I cannot believe that just happened. I give grandpa a few minutes. I go back and sit with him. I tell him I feel her. I dont know what is going on. I ask does he believe it all. He says he does. He does not think we are crazy. Since my fiancee was really spooked I decided to spend the night. Lately we both sleep at our own houses. He hogs the bed and neither of us end up sleeping. Anyways. I fall asleep. He does too. I wake up alot. Nothing else happened. But it was spooky. I really just want to know what she wanted. Why mess with us and not tell us? Be fair. TIme till tell I guess.

Tonight I felt my husband talking to me. Saying hi, he loves me, misses me, glad I am getting married, happy… Then I feel the need to turn on the radio. This song is playing. It is a country one. It says I still feel you. It says that over and over. The tears were flowing. it was so real. It was him. We still feel each other. I know when he is around. I can feel it. It is so cool. I was told once I could be a medium. I saw one and she compared herself to me. I thought wow. I wonder if that is what I am supposed to do. Sort of scary. But if hearing from a loved one helps someone heal then it is worth it. I would like a sign of confirmation – universe. Please let me know.

My aunt told me today that robins are a sign on new beginnings. That makes a lot of sense. I am obsessed with this topic for some reason.

So today I was telling my fiancee about a fellow blogger and I both writing about birds on our blogs today, my robin story… We finish dinner and he goes to put the grill away. He came in and said a robin just flew right near my head. I thought he was joking. He said it flew so close he could hear the feathers rustle. He was serious. I guess it is all true. All the bird stories. Now I know.

Writing about the birds reminded me of this story from last year. I also read today that birds are messengers from Heaven. The native americans believe that. Well anyway. Two summers after he passed there was one robin that would sit on my porch. It always sat close to me. Most birds dont get that close. It would look at me for a long time. It would sing and sing. It was always by itself. I wondered did my husband turn into a robin. That sounds soooo crazy. Anyway it happened over and over and over. One day my parents were over. The same thing happened. I told them what I thought. They said hi to the robin. Then my dad told me he had a robin watch him one afternoon while he worked all day in the yard. From then on whenever we saw it we would say hi to him. I dont know what to make of it all. Somehow it is all connected but I dont know how.

So I have been having electric “problems”. My tv blew. My 2 lamps blew all their bulbs. My cell phone has been chirping. My one phone sparked. I had the power company and electricians here. No one could figure it out. They all said it seemed weird. Well earlier that day I heard lots of songs from my husband. I thought he could not send that many in one day. I felt him say you are better now. I am going on. I thought ok. Well I talked to a medium. They said he also wanted my permission for him to go. That is why he did all the electric stuff. He wanted my attention. Obviously I didnt connect with him long enough to figure that out. I was telling someone about all this. When I hung up the phone I busted out laughing. I thought they think I am insane. I sound like I lost my mind. I remember hearing stories from other people before he died. I thought they were crazy. Well my stories top those so I know people think I am looney. Oh well. At least it gives me a good laugh.

Shortly after hy husband passed I went to the beach with some family. My husband and I always went there and loved it. While I was there I asked him if he was with me. He was. One day I was at the beach. This guy walked by. He had the same sunglasses, the same build, the same walk, the same haircut, the same dressy clothes, the slow walk leisurely looking around. I mentioned it to my dad. He was freaked out. My mom was asleep on the beach. I was wishing she saw him. It took everything I had not to run up to him and say hi even though I knew it was not him. Then he walked by us again. This time I did not look at him. It was too painful. The next day we were out shopping. There he was again behind my mom and I in line. She got to see him. She thought it was him too. I remember this day as clear as can be. It was a beautiful sunny day.. A perfect day.. well almost.

I Hear Each Tear

My Wife does not know I am watching her But I’m watching her just the same. And I hear each tear fall on her face, At the mention of my name. She says it sounds like music to her ears, And can be heard over a crowd. Oh, I hear each tear fall on her face, When my name is said aloud. I watch her stumble through each day, As she wishes the day would end. And I hear each tear fall on her face, As she talks of me with our friends. But there are few who truly understand. Oh this I’ve heard her proclaim. And I hear each tear fall on her face. Will my Wife ever be the same? I know that her smile can light up a sky, But I don’t see that smile today. But I hear each tear fall on her face, Her blue skies have turned to gray. I send to her my warmest hug With the rays of the morning sun. Then I won’t hear a tear fall on her face, For I shall erase them one-by-one. My Wife does not know I am watching her, But I’m watching her just the same. And if I hear a tear fall on her face, I’ll just softly whisper her name.